Reflecting on Relationships
By Br. Javier Rodriguez, OFM Cap
Advent is a time for reflection to prepare for the hope and joy that Christmas brings as we celebrate the Incarnation. Usually, this reflection leads us to contemplate our relationships, and this is natural, since what we celebrate on Christmas is the most perfect expression of the most perfect love that is the most perfect relationship, the Triune God. Personally, this has led me to reflect on one of the most significant and important relationships I have had this year, between the Darst Center, as my ministry, and I.
When I reflect on my relationship with the Darst Center, I am not only reflecting about the staff and volunteers whom I have encountered there, I am also reflecting on my relationship with the center’s partner agencies and retreat participants. As I think about these relationships, all I can think of is a word I like to use to describe this year: unique. As a lot of relationships around the world, my relationship with the Darst Center has evolved in a virtual world. Even though I love to have personal interactions and was looking for that type of relationship when I was assigned to this ministry, I would say that I have been pleasantly surprised by how good of a relationship we have had in the last four months. Our relationship has involved virtual programming, through which I have been able to get to know the center’s mission, some of its partners, and many of the participants. At weekly staff meetings, we have been able to grow close together in this relationship in the midst of a social distancing environment.
I feel that we all have been overcoming the situations all around us to maintain and evolve this relationship. Yet, there is still something missing. I would like to call this missing part relationship intimacy. By this I mean that, as much as we have grown close, there is still something that cannot replace that personal touch, those personal interactions that make relationships special. I want to compare it to the hugs and kisses or the handshake that as a Latino I am used to give when I greet people. I might be able to bump elbows, give a Namaste bow, give an air hug, or blow kisses; however, nothing compares to the intimacy shared in that actual physical act of embracing the people around us.
This is the intimacy that the students are missing when they are driving to the Darst Center, meeting the facilitators, driving to a partner agency, spending some time volunteering there, and then physically sitting together in one room and reflecting on the experience. It is the intimacy of the partner agencies being able to share their stories and their services while having a group come to them, to their neighborhood, and experience, even if for just a little while, what the partner agency experiences every day. So, this virtual relationship that we have is growing and is good, and we simultaneously hold the feeling of longing in our hearts for the day when we can gather in person.
Despite the hope that a vaccine is giving us right now, we cannot just sit and wait until it is safe again to meet in person to continue to develop and evolve in our relationship. The question is: What could be our elbow bump, or bow, or air hug right now? What can we do to build this relationship to be a little bit more intimate, close? We want to look for ways not to replace the hug, but to maintain the relationship until we can hug again, until we can go back to having that relationship intimacy.
The Darst Center Advent Reflection booklet was one of those “elbow bump” ideas to help this relationship grow. It was a great project, in which a lot of partner agencies participated, and it has been well received. There is a need to continue being creative and fostering some type of relationship intimacy among the partner agencies, the participants, and the Darst Center. I think that, as in every relationship, we all need to work together to see how we can grow closer and continue what has been a close relationship for decades. Just like the three persons of the one God come together to share God’s love and salvation in the midst of the human experience, we all need to work together to plant the seed and grow the tree of justice in the midst of the pandemic experience in which we currently are living. It is all about this relationship we all so much desire to have.